Urban Capture the Flag

Round Four will be on Sunday June 28; meet at Jordan’s apartment and we’ll walk to the map. Friends and beers are welcome to join.

Come join us for match #4 this Sunday June 21, 2009. Location still to be determined. Please confirm either in the comments of this post, via the contact page, or the facebook event.

Match #4: Bad Blood

The following journal entry takes place between 12pm June 7 and 12pm June 8, and contains shitty puns and in-jokes of a really dorky nature:

The day started like any other…that is, if your day usually starts off with Bernie ruining all the shit that you organized because he spent all night getting hammered then decided he’s too hung over to play capture the flag because he also stayed up until 6 am to watch some silly tennis match too. Anyway, so yeah, for Stefan it began as a normal day. But for me, I was still excited to play my third consecutive game of Urban Capture the Flag.

The Setting
With or without UCtF’s most prolific guard, UCtF3: Balls Deep, would still continue as planned…Our numbers for the day were 11 all told. Returning players included Team Captains Stefan and Jordan, aka Admiral Antibiotics and Rear-Admiral J-Spooge respectively; our marketing coordinator and valued supporter Kelsey D; up-and coming star James B; the always handsome, always aggressive Rob H, aka the Dirty Commish; our two military tacticians Lorne and Jorne; Crystal H, always loyal and faithful to our cause; the welcomed newcomer and speedy addition of Ryan “Ryno” Disterheft; Lester C, UCtF’s most fashionable and cunning player; and the descendant or Erdrick himself, Oliver “Ollywood” Koth-Kappus.

The Stage
Our selected map of the evening lie between Burrard and Fir cornered by First and Fourth ave.  Characterized mainly by its industrial feel, and flavoured with high-end car dealerships, it was a setting that myself nor anyone in the  UCtF had yet experienced. More civilians and more vehicles were present, and even had an influence on the dynamics of the gameplay. Yes, we had many “what the fuck are they doing?” looks from within the air conditioned offices of the Lexus dealership, and yes, in typical fashion, we returned their stares with shit-eating grins.

The Players
After the traditional dealing of the playing cards, which J-Spooge fucked up initially and traditionally, the teams were set.  Team Golden Showers, consisting of J-Spooge, Ryno, Crystal, Lorne, Rob and Olly were playing with a man-advantage over Team Pink-Eye, rounded up by Stefan, Kelsey, Jorne, Lester and James.  The stage was set, the players were ready, and Lorne was already hiding behind the dumpster.

Its on like Gaviscon! Match 1
Match one started fast, with both teams pushing deep into the opposing ends.  Stefan and James fell quickly to the defensive skills of J-Spooge, but Lorne and Ryno likewise fell to team Pink-Eye’s guards and were sent to jail.  But Rob, well-known for his “high-risk/ high-reward” style of gameplay, pinched deep into the opposing zone and picked up Pink’s flag.  With Kelsey and Lester in hot pursuit, he was finally chased down by Pink’s defenders and found himself corned by a fence.  Rob refused to be robbed of his prize (hahahaha) and decided that today he would solve the infamous “no-win scenario” that dorky J-Spooge keeps talking about.  By jumping over the fence, and ripping open his hand in the process, he eluded his would-be captors, and I was elated at my first victory since UCtF 1: Beta Test.

But our first match of the day would not go without controversy. Had the Dirty Commish finally solved the Kobayshi Maru (in-joke), or had he violated a founding rule of the UCtF by violating the private sector of the map?  Furthermore, had Lorne, who had helped provide blocking for Rob while tagging up after a jail break, provide illegal interference on a pursuing Lester? Over cold Budweisers, it was decreed that a rematch was to be played, and Gold’s victory be stricken from the record.

To add insult to injury…um..or actually injury to insult, both teams lost James, Crystal and Jorne to “undisclosed lower-body injuries,” which I will now disclose as pulled quad muscles.  With the teams trimmed down to 4 a side, and the map trimmed down by one block, the re-match began.

We’re spent like Polident! Match 2
Typified by a long Mexican standoff by both teams on the border, it was apparent that game two would be a battle of strategy, wits and cunning.  And agility, and lots of fast running.  The plan by both teams: ‘hangback’ because of the fewer numbers, lull the other team into the zone, jail a few of them, then blitz for the flag.  After a bitter stalemate, the game blew wide open, with Stefan picking up Gold’s flag.  After a dramatic chase between rows of hundred-thousand dollar cars, Golden Shower’s flag was soon returned. Yet the tide seemed to turn in Pink’s favour, as Gold was down to only 2 players compared to Pink’s full team. Knowing full well where Gold’s flag was hidden and outnumbering them, Team Pink-Eye planned to deliver the final blow.

But little did they know that Ryno and J-Spooge, the last bastions of hope for team Golden Showers, had a plan of their own. Upon Pink’s blitz into our zone, Ryno rushed their jail and broke out Ollywood and Lorne, who quickly “tagged up” and cut off Stefan’s retreat back into Pink zone with our flag.  Unable to hand off the the Golden Standard to Rob, and ultimately boxed in, I witnessed the frusteration in Stefan’s eyes as he yet again conceded Gold’s flag. With our flag back in its place, and the teams back to 4 a side, this game was turning out to be the most competitive and strategic yet.  Until we realized that a hobo had stolen team Pink-Eye’s flag.  Just like that, our match ended in stalemate.  And somewhere, out there, hangs Pink-Eye’s flag hanging off some dude’s IGA shopping cart, forever doomed to prowl the streets for cans, never again to be re-united with its Golden counterpart. And it makes me sad.

Conclusion
By my count, the final match results for the evening:

Team Golden Showers: 0 flag captures
Team Pink-Eye: 0 flag captures
Random hobo dude: 1 flag capture

We capped the evening off over Fish and Chips from Go-Fish and plenty of beers at the Granville Island Brewing Company.  Do I forsee Granville Island Brewing as a possible sponsor for UCtF sometime in the near future? Probably not, judging by the way we tipped.  But if you’re ever looking for a place that lets you bring in your own food, well, now you know the place to hit up.

Crew After the Match at Granville Island Brewery

Epilogue
I woke up late the next day with a headache, the taste of IPA in my mouth, and grass stains all over the my favorite shirt.  What happened after we left the pub last night? Was I perhaps frolicking in some grassy field engaged in blissful ecstasy with a succubus of the Life Aquatic? HA! I’m not that lucky (in-joke?).  Reports of the rest of the evening were spotty at best, but eye-witness accounts indicate a nasty grass fight followed by us tumbling down a grassy knoll in a game of Capture the Beer…in which my left shoe may or may not have been used as a weapon. Obviously, beer may have been a factor in our actions.

Ollywood and Admiral Antibiotics enjoying beers in Granville Island

And as I sit here writing this, I reflect that, sure, Bern was a no-show; sure, we had four bad injuries; sure, a hobo robbed me of victory; sure, we forgot to tell Lorne the game is over and he’s probably still hiding behind a dumpster…but I think that I learned a valuable lesson that day. Sometimes its not about the flag. Sometimes its about the beer. And lots of it.  Unless you’re Ryno, then its about drinking a Shirley Temple.

* No servers were harmed during UCtF3: Balls Deep. We tipped everyone well.

Our third official Match will be held on June 7th, 2009. We will be playing between 1st and 4th ave and Burrard and Fir. Game starts at 1:30pm sharp. Meet at the corner of 3rd and Pine. Contact us for further details.